Inky Page 5

  “Listen, I know you’re Annie. I’m Papa Joe…don’t you remember me?” He taunted.

  I remembered him alright. He was the guy who used to breathe on me until I woke up. He was the one who used to laugh at me while my mother forced me to keep singing while she told me how ugly I was, what a terrible voice I had. He was the one my mother told to piss on me when I was taking a bath. He was the reason she called me her ten year old cock-block. He was the one who…

  “Hey, Ink, you done with register two?” I needed to find my voice and find it fast. I couldn’t let him know he got to me.

  “Yeah, Aimes. Lisa already took it back.” I tried and succeeded hiding the panic in my voice.

  “Alright. You cool if I go with Gus?” She asked, giggling as she appeared. I hadn’t seen her in a while so I guessed she’d been somewhere getting hot and heavy with him.

  “Yeah” I continued to empty the sink and disinfect everything, barely acknowledging her.

  “Evan’s taking you home, right?” I didn’t even look up, just answered.

  “Yeah, he’ll be here any minute.” I turned my back and the man was gone. A twenty dollar bill was left on the bar which I wanted to burn. Never in a million years did I ever expect to see him or hear his voice again but there he was. I felt myself starting to panic but I didn’t have time for that now. I couldn’t give into it. I had just been face to face with one of the reasons I had anxiety. Not to mention a slew of all sorts of trust issues. What I needed was to get the fuck out of there.

  “Hey Rusty, everyone’s gone. I locked up the front. Jesus is finishing restocking the liquor. The cleaners are coming in the morning right?”

  “Yep.” He answered, not looking up from his piles of receipts. “Thanks for staying back tonight. See ya next week, Ink.”

  “Yeah, see ya, Rusty.”

  I walked through the back door and into the alley with my purse over my shoulder. I hadn’t even stopped to think that Evan wasn’t there and he probably wasn’t coming back. Thinking that being alone in an alley at two-thirty in the morning was really stupid, I turned to the back doors and began to knock just as I heard the music being turned up. Jesus would be up front where the only windows were too high to look in to. Rusty would be preparing the bank deposit and adding the night’s receipts and neither one would hear me trying to knock.

  I opened my bag and took out my cell to call Evan. Straight to voice mail, “Hey Evan, I’m walking home I guess. Sorry, I didn’t even think to ask Aimes and Gus for a ride. I’ll be there in ten. See you soon baby.”

  Heading back down the alley to Pacific Coast Highway, I was yanked by my purse and slammed against the stucco wall. I instantly knew who it was; the feel of his hot breath on me, the stench of his strong cologne that clung to his suit. One hand was over my arms and mouth while the other groped me through my work uniform.

  “You said you didn’t remember Papa Joe but I remember you, Annie. I remember the sweet smell of you. I remember thinking you were just as sweet as your momma, just as sweet as my Serena. Do you remember me now? You loved it, Annie. Now, you tell me how much you loved it and maybe I’ll let you go tonight, ah? Until I find a way to get my Serena back, I can satisfy my hunger with you.” He was spitting into my ear as he spoke. Any attempt for my screams to escape was muffled by his enormous hand. “I just want something to remember you by Annie. Stop moving, my sweet. I just need a little dip inside, a little taste and I’ll let you go.”

  After that, I stopped struggling. Just as it was when I was a kid, there was no point. Something else took over. I knew he wasn’t going to kill me and I knew I couldn’t get away. He was too powerful for me to fight off. Instead I went to that place in my mind where I could escape to and waited for it to be over like I had more times than I wanted to remember. I started to hum to myself and just kept trying to get to my words, the only ones I could think of to comfort me, to get me through.

  “What was that, Annie?” His light accent hung on the ‘e’ sound. “You have something you want to say to Papa? That’s right, you just relax now and I’m going take my hand out, just like we used to. I wish we had more time together, in a little bed with light pink sheets…do you remember? Tell Papa. Slowly now, don’t start screaming or I don’t know what I’m going to do to calm you. You know when you try to tell someone, Papa Joe gets very angry.” The sound of a buckle was present but I couldn’t think about that. I already knew what was going to happen.

  I had only heard it once but it was all I could think of. My small voice shuddering with fear, I began to sing quietly, “Rockin’ by the sea side, rockin’ by the sea, walkin’ with my woman, my woman and me… ” I just kept singing it over and over and after that, I didn’t care what he did to me. I heard a zipper but just kept singing.

  “That’s a very sweet little song. Annie. Very sweet, you just keep singing to Papa. That’s right.” I felt his hand begin to push each side of my pants, edging them down my hips. Suddenly, he stopped. I saw a bright light but didn’t dare move. He pulled his hands away, and as far as I knew he was gone.

  Chapter 6

  I sat on the edge of an exam table. I’d managed to piss off the attending whatever she was because I refused a rape kit. She seemed convinced I was lying to her after insisting I wasn’t raped and, in doing so, tried to make me feel guilty. This was probably not a job she should be doing.

  Bitch.

  What I wanted was to get the hell out of there, go home, have a long, hot shower and burn the clothes I was wearing. I knew that wasn’t going to happen when Aimes appeared with a uniformed officer.

  Looking up at Aimes was one of the hardest things I’d had to do in such a long time. Not only did it stir up memories from my past, it took her back there with me to all the times she held me while I cried. She had begged me time and time again to turn in my mother, file some kind of charge against her but I never did. Instead, I just walked out the door of my mother’s condo and never went back.

  “Inky?” she asked.

  “Hey.” I answered.

  “The fuzz wants to have a word with you and then we can go. The doctor said you have a slight concussion but you can leave. I told her we’ll keep an eye on you.”

  “Thanks.” I said, trying to give her a conciliatory smile.

  Aimes moved to my side as the officer stood across from me, leaning against another gurney so she didn’t tower over me. I noticed she was a very tall woman. She was the kind of cop you looked at and didn’t think, ‘donuts’…you thought, ‘wheatgrass’ – basically, she could kick my ass.

  “Ms. Redding, your fiancé is right outside. Would you like him here?”

  “No, just Aimes.”

  “I’d prefer you to come into the local station and look through some photos. We might be able to help identify your attacker.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “Did you know your attacker, Ms. Redding?”

  I did but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “No.” I decided to give her more though, just to appease her so she wouldn’t keep pestering me. I knew she was there to do a job and protect and serve and all the rest but right at that moment, I wanted to hit her in the face as hard as possible. “But he was in the bar before closing. He’d be on the security tapes.”

  “Is there anything else you would like to tell us?”

  “He wore a suit, his shoes were shiny and his cologne was strong.”

  “Anything else? I’m sorry to keep asking you but it’s important to ask while everything is still fresh in your mind.”

  “No.”

  Until the time I was fifteen, he always told me he’d kill me if I told anyone. I’m sure threat still stands, even after all this time. I just needed to be more careful about walking alone at night. This was just more proof of my shitty luck. I also doubted he would ever try again.

  “Okay Anika. If there’s anything else you think of, I gave my card to your fiancé. We’ll be in touch.” Just as she reached the handle to the doo
r, she turned to me. “How do you get Inky from Anika?”

  I hopped off the gurney and lifted my shirt to show her my back.

  “You’re covered in ink. I see now. Beautiful tattoo. What kind of tree is that?”

  I suspected she was trying to ingratiate herself to me and I hoped my vibe of I would like to get the hell out of here reached her loud and clear.

  “It’s an oak.” I pulled my shirt down and stared at her with a blank expression, giving nothing away.

  “Thank you, Ms. Redding. I’ll let you know what we get from the security tapes.”

  She opened the door and Aimes leaned out to the hall and closed it again. “I bought us a few more minutes. Oh, Ink. Was it him?” I could hear the emotion in her voice too - my dear true friend who had seen it all before.

  “We shouldn’t talk about this here, Aimes.” I was trying so hard to keep it together. I felt like at any minute I was going to explode.

  “Inky…” she spoke into my ear, very softly making sure to keep clear of my wound, “Was it him?”

  “Aimes, I haven’t seen him in what, ten years? How did he find me?”

  She let out a shaky breath. “It’s a small town, Ink.”

  “A small town with about fifty bars.” I returned. “Aimes?” I looked over to my friend who was only a few inches from my face and met her eyes. “I just wanted to forget…when you asked me if I’d told Evan…explaining everything, about my mom, about Joe…it meant I’d have to remember it all over again. I didn’t want him to know, I didn’t want him to look at me differently.”

  “I won’t tell him. That’s your story to tell. But Ink? You should let him in. He loves you. This is part of who you are.”

  “No.” I said firmly. “It’s who I was. I don’t want to explain but now I know I’ll have to. If he comes with us, he’s gonna figure it out anyway. At least I won’t be lying to him anymore.”

  “Do you want me to take you?”

  “No.” I began to soften. I didn’t mean to take it out on Aimes. “I’ll let him do this for me. He’ll feel so bad about not coming back to get me. Maybe this’ll help him too, you know?”

  “I think that sounds like a good idea. I’ll call Nico in the morning and get you in. But really, Ink, I think it’s time you told him. I won’t push you but you should tell him.”

  “You remember what to do?” I asked her. It had been years but she would know. Now our entire household would know. “Actually, don’t. That was just something we did as kids, it’s not important.”

  “Of course it’s important. I’ll help Evan, Inky.”

  I never knew how she hid it from her parents, but I had taken refuge at her house many times before. As we got older, the way we dealt with the aftermath of my mother or Joe became a kind of ritual. No one else had ever been a witness to it but I knew that was about to change.

  She didn’t say anything, I knew she understood. “Come on. We have things to do.”

  She moved away, picked up my purse from under the gurney and added it to her shoulder along with her own. “Everyone’s waiting in the hall. We brought one car so I’ll sit in the back with you and Evan. Lisa can ride up front with Gus, okay?”

  “Thanks, Aimes.” I held her hand all the way to the car and never let go…neither did she.

  ***

  No one said a word during the short drive back to the house. I hated that this had happened, that I’d ruined everyone’s night. I wasn’t even sure who called Aimes or Evan in the first place. I would have preferred to just take a taxi home and not say anything at all. I’d avoided telling Evan the truth about my past for so long. What happened tonight was nothing compared to what had happened before but I was still freaked out. It stirred up memories I’d buried deep and tried to ignore. In fact, had I not sung at karaoke, had a panic attack and run into Joe tonight…it would all still be buried there.

  Aimes sat me down on the couch in the living room saying with understanding in her voice, “Just like old times, Inky.” Never taking her eyes off me, she gave instructions to everyone else as I sat there numb, just outside of myself. She took off my shoes and socks and instructed Evan to go get a towel and Gus to run a bath. Aimes slowly undressed me, leaving me in just my bra and panties. I realized then that my injuries were a lot worse than I thought - I was in pain.

  I also realized I must have looked pretty bad. Evan appeared again in the living room just as Aimes wrapped a towel around me and winced. He kneeled down in front of me, easing Aimes to the side and lifted my chin to look at him. “Baby,” he said and pulled me slowly from the couch.

  “My head hurts.”

  “I think your head had a fight with a wall in the alley. The police said there was blood there and... ”

  “Evan.” Aimes cut him off. “Come on Ink. Let’s have a bath. You’ll feel better.”

  “Can I do anything, Aimes?” Gus asked.

  “We got this, babe.” She gave him a small smile. I began to get up but Aimes put a hand on my shoulder, “Hang on, Ink. Did you get it, Lisa?”

  Lisa had been standing where I couldn’t see her, or maybe I just didn’t notice her before, “Here you go.” She handed Aimes a little wooden pipe and a lighter.

  I heard Aimes take a hit. She never smoked weed anymore. She only kept it in the house for special occasions. I had only tried it a couple of times, preferring tequila to weed, but I was leaving all of this in her hands. She leaned in as if to kiss me but I’d been to enough parties that I knew to just inhale. She carefully avoided my swollen lip. After three hits, she took my bra off and gingerly slid it down my arms. The towel was secured around me and Gus came over to the couch. He scooped me up easily, walked me down the hallway and eased me into the tub. I didn’t even try to stop him because, to be honest, being carried away in his big strong Marine arms felt safe.

  It didn’t matter that I was naked in front of these people. I didn’t give a shit. I’d already been exposed in the worst way and this was meant to help me, to heal me. Aimes had done this too many times before. This time, she had help. Lisa poured water over my head and began to softly rub shampoo into it. On the first rinse, I saw the blood-tinged water. I stared down and saw the marks left by Joe’s grip on my arms; they’d already started to bruise. Evan washed the more intimate parts of me, taking great care not to cause me any more pain. Joe’s words were always gentle and he may have only used his hands but one thing had not changed about Joe after all these years - he was rough.

  When they were done cleaning me, Gus again lifted me from the tub and took me into my room, carefully setting me on the edge of the bed.

  “Do you want another hit, Ink?” Aimes asked.

  “No thanks. Thank you, everybody…just, thanks.” I was mellow physically but my mind was whirling, and watching everyone hover in my doorway wasn’t helping.

  Evan had been cautiously letting Aimes take charge but he decided to step up to the task. He didn’t know everything about my past and the role Aimes played in it, but he knew enough. I was glad he read me correctly and said, “Can you give us a few minutes guys?” Our three friends closed the door behind them, leaving Evan and I on the bed.

  “I have to get dressed, Evan.”

  “I just want to hold you, baby.”

  I turned my head toward him, seeing for the first time how worried he was, “Sorry, Evan. I want that too, but right now there’s something we have to do…Aimes and I have to do... and I’m happy for you to be a part of that, but I need to get dressed. Can you help me do that?”

  “Sure, baby.” He was reluctant but he did it.

  Only a few minutes later, a light knock came at my door.

  “Ink?” Aimes asked.

  “Come in.” I said as I slipped my feet into my green Havianas.

  “Everything’s ready. We’ll leave whenever you want.” She stood in the doorway, waiting for me.

  “Let’s go.”

  ***

  The sun was just starting to come up by the time
I walked with my friends to the beach. Lisa threw down some wood from the pile we kept for bonfires and Evan doused it with lighter fluid.

  Aimes handed me a plastic shopping bag. “Here you go, Ink.”

  I opened it and threw the clothes, including the shoes, onto the fire and watched them burn. The smell was terrible - plastic, rubber and polyester melted and burned as we all looked on. I could feel the hot sting behind my eyes and when I threw the last sock into the flames, I let out a tiny sob and whispered, “mother fucker.”

  ***

  Evan never let me go. He held me close, lying on top of the covers until Aimes opened the door. We had probably been laying there for a few hours but I don’t think either one of us slept.

  “Inky?” She asked.

  “Yes?”

  “He said twenty minutes.”

  “Time for coffee?” I asked.

  “Here ya go.” Aimes, God bless her, handed me a travel mug.

  We all piled into the car. Aimes and Lisa knew where we were going. Gus and Evan didn’t ask questions.

  “Hi, Nico.” Aimes shook the heavily inked man’s hand. When she turned to me and our eyes met, I could see her tears silently falling.

  “Come with me, Anika.” Nico kissed me lightly on the cheek and gently wrapped me in his arms. This was his way, tender and thoughtful. After the first time, he never asked questions and he never accepted money.

  “Her real name is Anika?” Gus quietly asked Aimes.

  “You didn’t know that?” She returned.

  “No…why do ya’ll call her ‘Inky?’”

  “You’ll see in a minute, Gus.”

  I sat with my chest pressed against the back of the chair and Aimes carefully lifted my shirt over my head. Nico leaned down and spoke quietly into my ear,

  “I’m sorry, Anika.” He knew. He was one of the few who did. The large oak tree that covered my back had long branches that spread out over my shoulder blades. On one side a large A in beautiful script hung like a leaf. The A represented my friend, Amelia, who truly loved me. I left the other branches bare with the intention of adding an E after Evan and I were married. The ground, my lower back, was covered in leaves, all autumn colors of orange, yellow and brown.